Ohio State University Fact Sheet

Family and Consumer Sciences

1787 Neil Ave., Columbus, OH 43210

Problem Behaviors With Children

HYG-5260-96

Melinda J. Hill

All children have behavior problems, some being harder to accept than others. Some of these behaviors can cause children to be aggressive, hostile and difficult to handle, which may emphasize their respective limitations. As parents we are our children's first and foremost teacher. We need to establish our plan for accomplishing rules and expectations.

"Why Does He/She Act This Way?"

When children react with aggression towards what was seemingly a simple request the underlying principle may be one of frustration. If tasks they could accomplish yesterday can't be done today, they become angry. If the tasks become more difficult or more restrictions are applied, they may react with anger.

When expectations are raised, children may become fearful that they can't accomplish what is expected. The fear may become overwhelming causing children to react to others in a negative manner. The type of aggression exhibited is determined by the problems that are presented. Sometimes subtle actions like not eating their food or bedwetting may be their response. Sometimes more violent actions become a way of controlling the situation. It becomes clear that even if the children can't communicate their frustration, they can act out the frustration and achieve attention.

"How Can I Deal With This Behavior?"

Balancing children's needs for independence along with your authority is one of a parent's greatest challenges. Remember that children's awareness of being able to choose not to comply with a command also means they are learning the first step in being able to choose outcomes. Be mindful of the individual child's age and developmental level when choosing your actions. Keep in mind the following tips as you are dealing with difficult behaviors:

• Know that discipline is not punishment. Discipline is training to help a child learn control of himself or herself.

• Realize the child's limitations and set expectations accordingly. Don't set the child or yourself up for defeat and more frustration.

• Learn to recognize early warning signs of frustration in your child. When children are approached with a problem or situation that they don't know how to handle, anxiety begins to take over.

  Know what signs your child exhibits and offer other choices if possible. If, on the other hand, the child is just looking to you for support, lend a smile and let them venture on for themselves. This will develop confidence, improved skills and self control.

• Develop a discipline plan. Decide ahead of time how to deal with incidence of misbehavior. Planning and practice will lessen the anger and distress of the behavior.

• Use "time out" to remove the child from the situation and to allow the child to practice self control. A "time out" area could be a chair in the corner, a step, or anyplace where the child does not have access to toys, television, or other activities. Appropriate times would be one minute for each year of age. At the completion of the "time out" a discussion should follow to identify the reason for the "time out" and what other options might have been chosen. Ideally, when placed in situations where the child is unsure what behavior is appropriate, he or she will remove himself or herself in the same manner to re-establish self control.

• Recognize that sometimes no reaction is the best answer. Nonreaction is useful for behaviors that are not aggressive, like whining or pestering. If adults intervene too early on a situation, children don't have a chance to meet the challenge themselves and don't acquire new skills.

• Once you decide to respond to the child, do so quickly. The delay of your response until a task is finished or a conversation completed takes away from its effectiveness.

• Be consistent in the warnings you give and the consequence involved. Begging or whining should not change the outcome of the consequence.

• Be sure you have the child's attention when you are discussing the problem at hand. Take hold of the child's hands or wrists, look at him or her in the eye, and ask the child to look at you as you are talking. If the child cannot verbalize clearly, identify a way, like blinking of their eyes or moving hands that the child can help identify the problem.

• Don't wait until you lose your temper to react to the child's behavior. Know your own warning signs as well and react accordingly. Sometimes parents need a "time out" too.

• Know that rewards can be helpful in managing behavior if they help to establish a routine. However, improvements in behavior totally relying on rewards are short-lived and lack the lesson of self control. The reward of finding a toy to play with that was returned to the shelf after playing the last time, is an example of establishing a routine.

The total discipline plan should be consistent in order for the child to progress towards the goal of self-control. If the behavior gets worse after a plan has been implemented, chances are it's working. Children will test to the limit to see if the rules are going to be enforced. Address one or two issues at a time until the child becomes accustomed to the way you are dealing with his or her behavior. When you feel confident in handling the behavior, children will realize this and change their behavior accordingly. Remember, you are your child's first and most important teacher.

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References

Ayrault, Evelyn West. (1977) Growing Up Handicapped. New York: Seabury Press.

Caraway, Mitch. (1993) "Dealing With Children With Special Needs," Northeast District Inservice, Ohio State University Extension, Wooster.

Turecki, Stanley, and Wernick, Sarah. (1994) The Emotional Problems of Normal Children. New York: Bantam Doubleday Dell.