In the last few decades, families in America have undergone dramatic changes. The majority of mothers of young children now work outside the home. Divorce rates have risen. More fathers have gained custody of their children, although laws in general still favor custodial mothers.
These and other changes have led many families and professionals to pay more attention to the role of fathers in child development. As more attention is focused on fathers, many men find themselves struggling to understand and fulfill their parental role. The following are some considerations for thinking about fathers in today's society and for developing new guiding principles for the changing "new" father.
Common assumptions in American society may work against positive changes in father's roles. Have you ever seen a father at a park with his young children in the middle of the day? What did you think? "I wonder why he's here?" "He must be out of a job." "Maybe he works during the evening shift." Have you ever heard anyone say to such a father, "You're doing such a wonderful job as a father," implying that men may be less capable of caring for their children?
Does society have a gap between the image of fathers and the real behavior of fathers? If there is a gap, this could lead to guilt and confusion for men. On the other hand, some men feel pride when they compare themselves with their own fathers. Many men in the 1990s are more demonstrative with their affection.
Men can begin to free themselves from old stereotypes. They can identify their strengths and use these skills. Too often the focus on fathers is on knowledge they may lack. Parenting skills, such as promoting independence and playfulness, can be a foundation on which to build.
Parenting is constantly changing for men and women. Men may feel that they have few models for fathering today. There may be a number of models from the past that can be integrated into different functions of parenting. A coach may have modeled clear communication patterns. A teacher may have modeled teaching skills. Building a new father image involves integrating old and new child rearing behaviors. Society can support men in their exploration of new skills.
Each family can form its own style. Some families will adopt equal sharing of parenting functions. Others will emerge with complementary patterns based on skills and desires. Accepting diversity of single-father families is also essential for our society.
Confusion and uncertainty are inevitable. Both are inherent in the parenting role. Balancing confusion with stability and consistent guidance for children is not an easy task. There is no simple recipe or guarantee.
All parents need to build close, healthy, lasting relationships with their children. This process is ongoing. It takes time, energy, commitment, and support. It is not automatic. It does not occur naturally. Parents looking for easy answers may be disappointed. Fathers who don't ask questions may never know what they missed.
Van Horn, J. (1987). Thoughts About Fathers - Program. Penn State.
Palm, G. (1992). Looking for the New Father. Family Information Services.
VanHorn. J. (1990). Society's Changes Dictate More Attention Be Paid Fathers. Penn State.
Cindy Bond-Zielinski
OSU Extension Agent
Family and Consumer Sciences
Carroll, Harrison, and Jefferson Counties
All educational programs conducted by Ohio State University Extension are available to clientele on a nondiscriminatory basis without regard to race, color, creed, religion, sexual orientation, national origin, gender, age, disability or Vietnam-era veteran status.
Keith L. Smith, Associate Vice President for Ag. Adm. and Director, OSU Extension.
TDD No. 800-589-8292 (Ohio only) or 614-292-1868