Patricia H. Holmes, Extension Agent, Family and Consumer Sciences, Preble County
Childhood stress has many sources. Both positive and negative events may contribute to the stress a child experiences. When an extra demand is placed on a child's ability to cope, stress occurs.
For many children stress comes from common changes, such as: starting school or child care, birth of a new baby, illness, separation of parents, divorce, change of parent's employment, moving to a new location, or death in the family.
Some children experience traumatic stress. These children may be homeless, survivors of natural disasters, teen parents, and/or using drugs or alcohol. They may live in fear from violence in their schools, neighborhoods, or homes.
Recognizing that stress exists and ensuring that basic physical needs are met is important. Rather than trying to shield children from all stress, provide them with basic coping skills and resources to prepare for the future challenges of life. You can be a role model for your children and help them learn how to adapt to life stress.
Change is a natural part of the development of children. However, no two children experience change in exactly the same way. Having a positive relationship with both parents or a significant adult can be the beginning of a support system for your child when stress occurs.
Look for behaviors that are not the norm for the child. Noticeable emotional, social, physical, and intellectual changes, whether positive or negative, may be a signal to check out the possibility of stress as a factor.
Emotionally, a child under stress may appear more fearful, sensitive, tense, aggressive, greedy, angry, restless, and/or irritable. If the child does not know why he or she feels this way, stress could be a factor.
Socially, a child under stress may be more aggressive or withdrawn. Both of these symptoms can lead to feelings of isolation, which may increase stress levels.
Physically, children under stress may be more prone to accidents, illness, ulcers, and/or headaches. They may have lower energy levels, trouble with constipation, or diarrhea even though they are healthy. They may bite their fingernails or grind their teeth during sleep.
Intellectually, children under stress may be easily distracted or restless. They may have difficulty concentrating or making decisions. Their expression may seem dull or vacant. They may be preoccupied with images of monsters or other threats and/or daydream more than usual.
1) Set realistic expectations according to your child's developmental level.
2) Contribute to your child's positive self-esteem by providing encouragement.
3) Nurture and cherish your children. Say "I love you." Let them know you are there for them.
4) Verbally recognize positive behavior. When unacceptable behavior occurs, redirect your child by stating the options. Help your child find acceptable ways to express negative feelings.
5) Reduce family conflict. Interact positively with each other and with your child.
6) Communicate using I messages: When _______ I feel _______ because _______.
7) Take the time to develop mutual respect and trust. Give your child a chance to make choices when appropriate.
8) Listen to what your child is saying. Notice your child's body language. Then take time to talk with your child.
9) Model positive ways to deal with stress and change. Show your child that life goes on even when things do not go the way we wish.
10) Spend time together. Interact with your child. Make use of each opportunity to share time, heritage, thoughts, and experiences.
11) Allow your child to help you when appropriate. Be prepared for the task to take longer.
12) Discipline using logical consequences. Limit "time out." Above all, be consistent.
13) If your child is having difficulty adjusting, limit additional life changes when possible.
14) Remember the value of laughter.
15) Seek professional help for your child and/or yourself when needed.
Furman, R. A. (1995). Helping children cope with stress & deal with feelings. Young Children, 50, (2), 33-41.
Honig, A. S. (1986). Stress and coping in children. Reducing Stress in Young Children's Lives. NAEYC, 142-167.
Linker, J. S., Stolberg, A. L., & Green, R. G. (1999). Family communication as a mediator of child adjustment to divorce. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 30, (1/2), 83-97.
Marton, M. (1997). Guiding young children's understanding and management of anger. Young Children, 52, (7), 62-67.
Shore, R. (1997). Rethinking the Brain. Families and Work Institute.
For more information, visit the Human Development and Family Life website at: http://www.hec.ohio-state.edu/famlife/
All educational programs conducted by Ohio State University Extension are available to clientele on a nondiscriminatory basis without regard to race, color, creed, religion, sexual orientation, national origin, gender, age, disability or Vietnam-era veteran status.
Keith L. Smith, Associate Vice President for Ag. Adm. and Director, OSU Extension.
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