Family Life Month Packet 2002

Family and Consumer Sciences

Campbell Hall 1787 Neil Avenue Columbus, Ohio 43210

Keeping Children Safe from Abduction by Strangers

FLM-FS-17-02

Kathy L. Reschke, Ph.D.,
Extension State Early Childhood Specialist, and Assistant Professor,
Human Development and Family Science, The Ohio State University

Although media accounts may make it seem as though children are being snatched from every street corner, the actual incidence of child abduction is very small. Cases of abduction often catch the media's attention because they are UN-usual, not because they are typical or even on the rise. Relative to other safety risks that children face, abduction is uncommon.

What is Known

According to data from the Federal Bureau of Investigation's National Crime Information Center, approximately 2,000 children (under age 18) are reported missing each day. The vast majority of these cases are resolved within hours of being reported.

According to data from the U.S. Department of Justice, each year there are estimated to be:

• 354,100 abductions by a family member,
• 114,600 attempted and 3,200-4,600 successful abductions by a stranger,
• 100 abductions ending in murder.

According to a study of 600 abduction cases that ended in murder (Hanfland et al., 1997):

• Most abductions occur close to the child's home by someone who has reason to be in the area (they live or work there).
• Approximately one abducted child is murdered for every 10,000 reports of a missing child (most of these cases are girls).
• More than half of these child abduction murders are committed by a stranger.
• Victims of these cases are "average," low-risk children, leading normal lives, living in normal families.

Suggestions for Reducing Risk

The primary responsibility of risk reduction must fall on parents and other caregivers. While expecting kids to keep themselves safe is unrealistic, that doesn't mean that they shouldn't learn some basic rules about avoiding danger. Be sure they know:

• They should never get into a car, even with someone familiar, without checking with you first.
• Unfamiliar adults shouldn't be asking children for help—they should be asking other adults. If an adult your child doesn't know asks them for help, tell them to first come check with you.
• If an unfamiliar adult asks your child to go with him or her, your child must check with you first.

Parents are often concerned that teaching their children self-protection skills will counteract their desire for their children to be helpful, considerate people. But if the rules hinge on checking with you first, YOU are taking the responsibility for making difficult judgments, rather than leaving it with the child. This helps to ensure their safety in the rare instance that the other adult had harmful intentions while still allowing them to be helpful and considerate in situations that you have judged safe.

In addition, be sure your kids know:

• They can ALWAYS talk to you about any situation in which they feel unsafe—this isn't tattling; it is staying safe (and take them seriously every time, until you understand the situation fully). Remind them that they need to tell you right away.
• It is okay to say NO (and loudly!) to an adult if he or she is making your child feel unsafe.
• Their own address, how to reach you, where to go for help if you are not home or they are not close to home, and how to dial 911.
• That if an adult forcibly grabs them, they should scream as loudly and fight as hard as they can. Some experts suggest telling kids to shout something that will make clear what is happening, such as, "This isn't my dad!"

It is important to keep in mind that we are asking our children to respond to a situation they are likely to never encounter, involving an unknown person in unfamiliar circumstances. Rather than relying on children to correctly identify dangerous situations, parents can do a lot to reduce the opportunity for the event to occur in the first place.

• Limit play areas to indoors, fenced backyards, or public areas where adults and children are present. Establish a rule with your children that they may not, under any circumstances, leave that area unless they check with you first.
• Establish rules for when children are walking to and from school, a friend's house, an after-school activity, etc., that they always walk with at least one other friend (and the more, the better) or an adult or responsible teen (especially for younger children) and follow a pre-established route. Establish a rule that they must never take a different route home unless they check with you first.
• Get to know your neighbors and work to establish a sense of community in which everyone (even those without children at home) takes responsibility for the children within that neighborhood. For example, with neighbors that are especially trusted and willing, establish an agreement in which children from each family are welcome to come to one another's homes if they sense they are in danger. Encourage one another to be observant of neighborhood activity and be willing to alert the authorities if something seems wrong.
• Talk with (not at) your kids about dangerous situations. Find out how they perceive the risk of different situations. As you listen, pick up on beliefs that you need to correct ("A stranger is someone who doesn't know my name," or "I would just beat up someone who tried to hurt me.") and aspects that you need to talk about more. Use situations from books or movies to start a conversation. Use "teachable moments" during your everyday activities with your child to reinforce key points. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
• Be especially attentive to your children who are very social, eager to please, compliant, or relatively fearless. It will be harder for children with these personality characteristics to follow the personal safety rules when they are actually in a situation.
• Help your kids recognize potentially dangerous BEHAVIOR and WORDS, rather than asking them to make character judgments that even adults find difficult to make. The most common lures are:
  —incentive lures: "I have some toys in my car that you can have."
  —authority lures: "Your mom couldn't come to pick you up so she asked me if I would."
  —conversation lures: In this case, the abductor may have somehow discovered the child's name (on their clothing or backpack), giving the child the impression that the adult knows her or him.
  —assistance lures: "I need help carrying these to my car—could you help me?"
• Make sure that ALL of your child's caregivers (including extended family members) know your rules and promise to abide by them, including where to play, when to check first, when they need to supervise (physically be present with the child), etc.
• Keep a recent photograph (within 6 months). Know your child's current height, weight, and eye color.

For More Information

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children is an outstanding resource. On the NCMEC website (http://www.missingkids.org), you can find educational materials for kids, parents, and schools; suggestions for community groups and law enforcement officers; and other helpful resources.

While it isn't realistic to put our heads in the sand and pretend that there is no danger to our children, it is also neither healthy nor helpful to dwell on our fears. Having a greater understanding of the danger and arming ourselves and children with preventive solutions can help move us beyond the paralysis of fear toward a healthy, balanced approach to living in a world where dangers exist.

References

Rather than relying on children to correctly identify dangerous situations, parents can do a lot to reduce the opportunity for the event to occur in the first place.

For a pdf version of this Fact Sheet, please click here.

For more information, visit the Human Development and Family Life website at: http://www.hec.ohio-state.edu/famlife/