Cynthia Burggraf Torppa, Ph.D., Extension Agent, Family and Consumer Sciences, Morrow County
Despite the high divorce rate, almost all high school and college students plan to marry at some time in their futures. Researchers have known for a long time that entering marriage with unrealistic expectations is likely to trigger dissatisfaction and ultimately contribute to the decision to divorce. Moreover, studies indicate that holding unrealistic expectations is not at all uncommon. Thus, one thing that parents and educators can do is to help adolescents and young adults develop appropriate expectations for marriage.
Some of the most commonly violated expectations for marriage center around differences in beliefs about the proper way to communicate. Indeed, problematic communication has been named as the most significant factor contributing to relationship distress for over 40 years and problematic communication continues to be the primary factor leading to divorce, according to a representative sample of Americans polled by Roper Starch for the National Communication Association in 1999.
Why are expectations about communication so problematic and what, specifically, are the dissonant beliefs that may give rise to these problems? One answer to these questions is found by observing the communication that occurs in family relationships on television. A large and growing number of researchers have noted that television serves as an important source of information about how families should interact. Research has shown that adolescents and young adults develop expectations for family life from television, and that these expectations are associated with the degree of satisfaction they experience with their families. Unfortunately, the communication that is characteristic of television families is not likely to characterize families in contemporary society. Specifically, television's portrayal of family interaction indicates that:
First, researchers have found that contemporary society includes several types of highly satisfied and well adjusted families in addition to the traditional gender-defined nuclear group. For example, some happy families stress personally negotiated roles and still others prefer more psychological and emotional distance than is characteristic of conventional families.
Second, parents may strive to be rational problem-solvers, but human beings frequently fail to live up to this ideal in their day-to-day interactions in the real world.
Third, most talk in families centers around the mundane topics of everyday life such as chores and schedules. Talks about relationships, while important, are generally the exception, rather than the rule.
Fourth, conflicts are inevitable and even valuable in thriving relationships. Moreover, serious and complex conflicts require a great deal of effort, commitment, stamina, and time to resolve.
Parents can do a lot to promote the development of interpersonal competence in their children and to prevent the development of unrealistic expectations for marriage and family life by watching television with their children and challenging their children to think about the validity of the interaction presented. Research shows that children's beliefs in information shared during conversations with parents strongly outweighs their beliefs in information acquired from television content. Parents who engage their children in reality testing while viewing television fare may help their children to acquire appropriate and healthy beliefs about interaction in families that will serve them well in their futures.
Fitzpatrick, M.A. (1988). Between husbands and wives: Communication in marriage. Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications.
Perse, E.M., Pavitt, C., & Burggraf, C.S. (1990). Implicit theories of marriage and evaluation of marriage on television. Human Communication Research, 16, 387-408.
Turner, L., & West, R. (1998). Perspectives on Family Communication. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield Publishing.
For more information, visit the Human Development and Family Life website at: http://www.hec.ohio-state.edu/famlife/
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