Ohio State University Fact Sheet

State 4-H Office

2120 Fyffe Rd., Columbus, OH 43210-1084

Managing Conflict Creatively

4H-020-99

Susan H. Rinehart, Ph.D.
Extension Agent 4-H Youth Development/Community Development Hocking County

The word "conflict" can bring many different ideas and thoughts to mind. We often think of hostility, aggression, withdrawal, power struggles, and opposition. Just the mention of the word can make us uneasy. Most people can probably recall a time that they experienced a conflict with a friend, teacher, 4-Her, parent, or family member. Sometimes the results were satisfying, at other times disaster resulted.

Conflict seems to be something we should avoid. We fear confrontation in conflict and we associate it with anger and see it as destructive. But conflict is normal and happens continually. Conflict can even be a constructive and positive experience for all parties involved.

Our reaction to, and method of dealing with conflict rather than the conflict itself is what causes painful, frightening or even damaging experiences.

Conflict issues can be big or small between individuals or among groups. It can be as simple as a 4-H volunteer trying to get a member to decide on a project, or as complex as a rule's violation at the state fair.

Characteristics of Conflict

Whether large or small, conflict has certain characteristics:

• There must be at least two parties.
• There must be some kind of struggle or threat either real or suspected. Conflict doesn't exist until both parties are aware there is a problem.
• There must be some interaction or interference. A conflict arises when we feel that someone is interfering in our business.
• The transaction may be emotional.

Ideas for Resolving Conflict

1. Talk directly to the parties involved. Assuming there is no threat of physical violence, a one-on-one or private setting is best. Be certain that no one is being misquoted or misinterpreted by using reflective listening, simply repeating back to the speaker what you think he/she is trying to say. Direct conversation is much more effective than complaining to everyone else.
2. Choose a good time. Plan to talk to the other person at the right time and allow enough time for a thorough discussion. Don't start talking about the conflict just as the other person is leaving for work, after you have had a terrible day, or right before you have something important to do. Just before a child enters the show arena is not a good time to discuss a conflict with them. Try to talk in a quiet private place where everyone can be comfortable and undisturbed for as long as the discussion takes.
3. Plan ahead. Consider what you want to say ahead of time. State clearly what the problem is and how it affects those involved.
4. Don't blame or name call. Antagonizing the other party only makes it harder for them to understand you. Don't blame the other person for everything or begin the conversation with your opinion of what should be done.
5. Give factual information. Don't interpret the other party's behavior. Instead give information about your own feelings. This doesn't judge if the feeling is right or wrong, but allows the speaker to know he/she has been heard. Remember the area of disagreement is a joint problem. Attack the problem, not each other. Keep in mind that you both are responsible for solving the problem. It is not just your problem.
6. Listen. Give the other party a chance to tell his or her side of the conflict completely. Using reflective listening, try to learn how the other party feels. Although you may not agree with what is being said, tell the other person that you hear him or her and are glad that you are discussing the problem together.
7. Talk it through. Get all of the issues and feelings out in the open. Don't leave out the part that seems too "difficult" to discuss or too insignificant to be important. The solution will work best if all issues are discussed thoroughly.
8. Brainstorm for solutions. Consider a variety of ideas to help solve the problem. Don't judge the ideas as right or wrong, or good or bad. Look for options that emphasize the common good. Two or more people cooperating produce lasting solutions more effectively than one person telling another to change.
9. Look for win-win solutions. Try to settle differences in a manner which achieves everyone's need for security, being needed, validation, and respect. Compare and evaluate the different options to find something that can please all parties. See if there are one or more options that are agreeable to both parties. Focus on what is needed and not what is desired. Strive to develop a compromise to reach this goal.
10. Follow through. Agree to check with each other at specific times to make sure the agreement is still working-then do it.

Summary

While conflict may seem negative, it is a natural event in relationships between people. We simply can not avoid it. It occurs because people care about each other, personal goals, individual priorities, and themselves.

Depending on how they are handled, conflicts may have negative or positive consequences. The results depend on how we choose to resolve conflict. In itself, conflict is neither good or bad. It's what we do with it that makes the difference.

We can become more effective in conflict situations if we respond by consciously selecting behavior, instead of merely reacting based on our first impression of a situation. To prepare us for managing conflict creatively, we need to develop the skills and learn techniques to effectively deal with conflict situations.

References

Adler, R.B. & Towne, N. (1987). Looking Out/Looking In: Interpersonal Communication. New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, Inc.

Dunn, D. (1989) Getting Results: A Guide To Effective Leadership. University of Arizona Cooperative Extension.

Goodbar, K. (1989). Managing Conflict. Teen Community Leadership Notebook.

Leadership Skills You'll Never Outgrow. The Ohio State University, October 1988.

Leading In The Future. University of Hawaii Cooperative Extension. 1989.

Miller-Heyl, J.L. Dare To Be You. CES. Colorado State University, June 1985.

Resolving Differences. Michigan State University Cooperative Extension. 1989.